And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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