I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
