my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
