I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
