Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
