You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize