Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
