WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i out mim tonsoeep
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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