i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i will never coherently bang her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
