I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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