I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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