Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
