I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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