I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
