i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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