Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
