dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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