I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
