Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
