I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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