Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
the raccoons are back...
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