Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
