Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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