you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
