just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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