I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
