So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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