the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found your dick twin last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
