every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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