I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
