i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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