I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
