God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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