gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
