he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
