I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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