Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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