I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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