Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize