i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
