Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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