Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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