just tell him i said nine months
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
