I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
