I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
