im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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