Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
