Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
