home. puking in laundry basket.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
