I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
