I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
