i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
