You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
