how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
