All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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