Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
