so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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