You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
