what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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