Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just pee around me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize