I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
