Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
