She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
