you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
