Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
