I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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