Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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