I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
