I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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