I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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