omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
