whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
