her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize