Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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