how can u be prego again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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