So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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