so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
