hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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