Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize