You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
