Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
