I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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