I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
