you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize