Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
